Mumbo Jumbo....

I told Mike I would do this a while back and have been putting it off. Mike said to write about anything at all, doesn't need to be about him, but just write. I am the type of person that has a million things on her mind all at one time and sometimes it is very hard for me to write. so bear with me because this could or could not go in a few different directions. My heart speaks for me now so whatever comes, comes.

Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Bobbi and I am the third in the circle with Ralph and Mike. I met both Ralph and Mike 14 years ago when I had to take a job at Burger King that I absolutely hated. At first Mike, a manager, and I clashed. lol. I didn't care much for him. Let me tell my story now and maybe it will come together some.

I was a new mother of child number 2, and single. I was scared of what life was going to throw my way next, because life had always been pretty tough one me. I needed a job, so through family I took Burger King. This particular BK was at the time managed by someone married into my family that I had known for all of my life but absolutely hated with every passion of my being. I eventually couldn't handle the emotional stresses of facing that part of my life everyday so I quit. About a week after I quit, 2 oddballs, Mike and Ralph, showed up at my apartment with flowers to see if I was ok.This was the nicest thing anyone had done for me up to that point in my life. We sat and we talked and eventually they grew to be my family.

I was in an unsteady relationship and had 2 more kids with this person. When times got bad they were there to listen, preach or just try to make me smile. They taught me many things about myself and was the reasons for the beginning of my rebirth. At the wonderful age of 30 I realized I hated where I was in life. I started over, filling mine and Mikes vans with a few basics and my 4 kids and off we went. I had nothing except a new beginning to change a fucked up life and 2 friends that never turned their backs. We had had our ups and downs but we were always there in the end no matter what.

I sat in my new apt crying.....new place with not much to fill it. My kids were sleeping on matresses on the floor, I had 2 lamps Ralph had given me, 2 folding outdoor chairs and a table to go with them. A few clothes and toys for my kids. But most importanly my family was sitting with me. I felt so weak and scared, but was willing to take on any challenge, so I thought. I ended up letting my next bf move in and for a while it was great. Then I realized we were totally different people and I needed to let him free. Sometimes I think I had him move in for my fears of being alone. I loved him but not like I should have loved someone.

I wont go into all of that because I have dated a few people over the 14 years I have known the guys, but thats not the important parts of this blog. I
think my point is I was the scared meek little thing who feared being alone, failure, life. I tried to give up my life at one point in time because I felt it would be better for my kids as well as myself. After having my stomach pumped and being in the hospital I quickly realized I couldn't have been further form wrong in my ignorant thought process.

Ralph was the one who always thought his shit never stank and he could do no wrong, then his life began to happen and Mike, well, how do I explain....hmmm. Big heart, always eager but for the longest time he followed. He had his own fears in himself which made it difficult for him to be who he was inside. For a long time Mike lived vicariously through Ralph and myself, cuz boy were were living it up. Ralph and I became so lost in who were were trying to find within ourselves that we really had some doozies. We are all total opposites, yet we click so well. The best part of it all is we can and do tell each other our opinions no matter how good or bad, but we always make it through.

I have spent the last 14 years finding myself. Mike and Ralph each had their roles in that. In the end, however, I feel I had to find it within myself. I am back in school, moved out of Ohio (the black hole leading to my own personal hell) and I am facing new beginnings everywhere I turn in life and in love. I had faced many, many hardships throughout my life but in the end I have used those hardships to learn from. I now have a backbone to stand up for those who hurt me and those I care for, I don't take bullshit from anyone and I am still a caring, giving and loving person. I have been on my own now for almost 6 years and have taught myself alot. I have grown to believe in myself as I never had before.

I have had some emotional downfalls, even since moving here. All I had to do was grab my phone and Mike would be here. He didn't care whether it was 30 minutes or 4 hours. He was here for me. Even if just to let me cry for a couple hours, then run back to Ohio where his own life was falling apart around him. His heart was being shattered and he still came to my rescue. That is what family is about! There are so many stories in which I could tell you about myself, Ralph or Mike but it would take way to long.

I haven't spoke to Ralph much over the past couple years and I texted him tonight. I told him how I missed him too. I kind of got so wrapped up in myself the last couple years that I kind of just lost him in my day to days. Again, we are ok. These 2 are now and will forever be my family! I will surely get pissed off at them, as they will me, but I will never stop loving them with all of my heart. They are very important factors in my life that I will never willingly let go. They know me inside and out, They know things about me that nobody else does. They know what kind of hell I have endured and they chose to endure some of it with me, and let me shed tears over things that happened when they didn't know me. They have had my back through so many things. I need them to know I value them and love them no matter how often we talk. I will admit that being 4 hours away from them is hard because the distance kills me, but the times we all spent together having cookouts, bonfires, dinners, pow wows etc are what I miss most of Ohio.
Well not more than my 16yr old but secondly.

Well I have rattled on enough. I have so many things I could say but can seem to bring myself to open up on the intenet just yet. That is opening myself up to the world, and the world is a scary ass place. It is time for me to attempt to slow my thoughts and sleep.

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