Epiphanies and Amazements

Over the course of the last week, I have had the opportunity once again to do some up close people watching. There have been moments of amazement, both good and bad, and moments of epiphany, both my own and those of others. It has been a week of observation which has led to countless hours of being lost in thought. I have been accused in the past of being an over thinker, and that has been a habit I have tried to curb throughout my recent journey of self discovery. Yet there are days when the path becomes a little foggy and doesn't seem so clear. On those days maybe letting the ramblings of my mind sort things out a little is probably not a bad thing.

I once was accused of being intimidating from a co-worker. And though I couldn't see myself in that role, I am all business. Still I try to set a good tone on the job, knowing that people tend to work better, harder, faster when they are in a good environment. The schedule on this project, however, has us all under the gun. We need to move quickly. Evidently some of our sub-contractors have gotten the message. In their time saving efforts, they figured cutting out bathroom breaks could save them a few minutes each day. So they began doing there business in Gatorade bottles. And coffee cups. And empty caulk tubes. I was horrified when I discovered the collection, and began trying to track down all the containers and their donors. Before I could get far, though, one of our poor laborers went to clean a room and picked up said "empty" caulk tube. Needless to say, he was not happy with the results. I simply said people will never cease to amaze me. That sub is no longer working for us.

Also this week my very best friend Miss B took the next step in her recovery from a shattered heart. As you may have read in her blog, linked from mine, she met a near carbon copy of the fish that got away for drinks and dinner. And they hit it off. Still reeling from a loss that made no sense what so ever, she boldly stepped up and said I have to find a way to be ok. I m proud of her for doing that, and I feel her trepidation and nervous anxiousness right along with her. I am amazed by her "first wobbly steps" and can't wait to see her take a few giant leaps. She has certainly played the same role for me.

I have spent a lot of time recently with another friend, watching her stand up to things she cannot understand and break free of them. She has transferred the cross she has been bearing to a cross she can now hold, as a tiny momento has come to mean as much to her than my pocket watch does to me. Like Miss Bethany, she stumbles, but she now finds it less difficult to pick herself up and dust herself off and take the next step. When she started the process, the tests came at her fast and furiously as the universe threw her curveballs to see if she could hit them. And she has, out of the park so far. She knows the path, and though she is the one who taught me that the road keeps going, she knows where the next stop is along the way. Its amazing to watch her as she has an epiphany, and how you can seemingly see more weight being transferred from one cross to the other.

And then there is my son John-Michael. The separation and divorce was probably harder on him than the other two. The oldest of my boys, he has had an especially hard time with his mother beginning to date. Angel and I have both tried to talk to him and ease his mind, but he seemed to have a hatred for her first steady beau. They have had shouting matches and things have come out of that childs mouth that send chills up my spine. We had become convinced he would never be ok with it, and maybe he won't. But at least I know he is listening. Tonight, when faced with a test, he did not engage mom's friend in an argument. Instead, he went to his room and closed the door, choosing the peaceful escape of his Nintendo over an ugly blow up. Pretty mature act from a 12 year old, but then he did something truly amazing. He came out and started a very pleasant conversation with this man who he had held in such disdain only a few days before. They talked for a few minutes, then the guy left. When I asked him later why he did that, he simply told me that he did not want to be the reason anybody is unhappy. Thats my boy. I am always proud of my three sons. But tonight, that kid left me in awe. Pretty cool for a sixth grader to have an epiphany, huh?

Related to him but a little different was the call I got from Angel two nights ago. She asked if I had anything of my mother's I could give to him. JM and Mom were so close. From the day he was born, they had such a wonderful bond. My ex told me that he was really missing his Nana, to the point where he was sleeping with her emerald ring Angel received when she passed. I knew what I needed to do at that time. Tonight, my blue jean quilt, the significance of which has been chronicled on this blog, covers my son as he sleeps. It is his now, a way for him to remember and be comforted when he wraps himself in it. And though I will miss the comfort it has brought me night after night since my sister and dad blessed me with it, I know it is exactly what my son needs right now. And what Mom would want me to do with it. I am so grateful to my family for allowing me to pass this on to him. Another piece of her legacy, covering another part of it as well. Besides, I still have my pocket watch:)

Got the boys all weekend. Can't wait to how they amaze me now. Good Night All..........


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