Roller Coaster Ride: A tribute to 2010

As I sat down to ink a fitting good bye to the year 2010, I planned to write about the years experiences and new adventures. It has been quite a year, from South America to playing in the sewer, I traveled more than ever and saw things I never thought I would see. But I had a change of heart as I typed the words. You can see where I have been and what I have experienced on the pages of this blog. 99 of them before tonight, covering 10 months. And January and February, which came before blog entry one, had their own set of new adventures and experiences. While that was a very good part of my life, it is best to leave it unpublished. Instead, I am going to use this one hundredth published blog to talk about what I have learned in the past year.

October 5, 2010 my divorce became final. After 18 months of separation, and many years of drifting apart, Angel became my ex wife. It was an often bitter and difficult journey, and I had imagined a party like no other that night. Instead, a little melancholy, the boys and I enjoyed a quiet evening at home. It was a fitting tribute, as they are the focus of everything I do. I learned that even though we failed in marriage, it didn't mean we had to fail as parents. Angel and I now share a great friendship, and even though we have our moments, we both put the boys above all of it.

Since the separation I have made numerous mistakes and have often had errors in judgement. instant gratification, stubborness, and self righteousness have led to so many of them. This fall, when I was at the end of my rope, I knew something had to give. And while I am a long way from being the person I want to be, I am a better version of myself than I was a year ago. I learned that in order to bring a real change in my life, I had to start by making that choice myself.

Along the way, while I was making the mistakes, I had plenty of people who tried to put me back on track. Practically screaming at me to change course, I plowed through their stop signs, choosing self justification over their words of wisdom. In that I learned that God gave me two ears and one mouth, and maybe I need to consider that more often in the future.

On September 4 of this year I learned that they do not always live happily ever after. And while I am not sure that I can stop believing in the kind of love my Mom and Mike shared for 23 years, I understand more now than ever how rare it is to find. And how lucky they were to have each other.

And last but most importantly I think I have begun to learn that the road really does go on and on. There is no perfect ending or Emerald City, just todays decisions that lead to tomorrows actions and consequences. Real happiness doesn't have to be forced. It's a movie with the boys. Or dinner with Bethany. Or a bonfire at Ralph's. It's in the little things, as I have always said. Just beginning, though, to practice what I preach.

Adios 2010. in less than an hour the slate starts clean as an empty canvas. And I cannot wait to see how life paints me this year.

Happy New Year's everyone. I hope everyone has a safe and awesome night, and a wonderful 2011.

Published blog # 100 on the books

Good Night All...............................


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