Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part
Lats night I had the pleasure of going to Tanner's school for a program. It was the famous Ohioan open house. Each student in the 4th grade prepared a presentation and dressed up like their celebrity of choice. And, oh the variety. In his class alone I saw 3 Elizabeth Blackwell's, 2 LeBron James, and one each of Thomas Edison, Annie Oakley, Woody Hayes, and Jack Hannah. And my son, being the Red's fan I have raised him to be, chose Johnny Bench as his famous Ohioan.
Each Student had to do a book as part of their project. A 10 page story of their person's life, the books were on their desks for people to read as the kids answered questions. And each one had a dedication. I opened Tanner's to see what he had written. "Dedicated to my big brother Ben for helping me with this project." Proud Dad moment right there. I love the relationship all three boys have with each other, with me, and with the woman who helps me raise them every day.
Originally, Tiffany and I were not supposed to go to the program with him. Tanner asked his Mom to make the journey in town to come to his school since she had not been to any function all year. She told him she would, only to cancel at the last minute. This has become the normal over the last 18 months, and it tears me up to see them hurt over and over again. I have been nice to this point, trying my best to hold my tongue and not speak my mind because it is up to them to form their own opinions and have their own relationships with their mother. But it's enough already.
Last week she told me I had to fix her relationship with the oldest because she couldn't. I told both her and JM that I did not break it, so I cannot fix it. Nor should I be asked to. He called her, they talked, and are now further apart than ever.
Now here we are, one night removed from Tanner's program. And she is supposed to take them this weekend for only the 6th time this year. Even though it is not her weekend, we would never dream of keeping the boys from her on Mother's Day. So we talked to her more than a month ago, she said "Yes, I want to have them that weekend". We made plans to drop them to her at 6 this evening, then booked out the rest of the weekend with other activities for Tiffany and I.
What we should have planned on was the same old thing. Today, she let me know she could not get the boys tonight. She might be able to later in the weekend, but she isn't sure. I explained that we have plans and cannot promise to bring them to her any other time this weekend. After all, lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on our part. She has yet to reply, leaving me to believe that she has decided to forego her weekend all together. Disappointing? Yes, but definitely not surprising. I just hate to have to be the one to tell them, and she leaves that task on me every time.
Don't get me wrong, I will never pass up spending more time with the boys. They are and always have been at the top of my priority list, no matter what the situation. I just wish for them they had another parent who felt the same. Oh wait, I forgot, they do. Little red is an awesome Mom to them, and I will no longer be so concerned about noting the *step* part of that trying to save someone's feelings from being hurt. After all, my Dad and my father were two different people. And just as I would never apologize to anyone for calling Mike my Dad, Tiffany is Mom to my guys.
So now it is about re-game planning for Sunday. Her breakfast in Bed may be made by a couple of teenage boys instead of me. Our day out at the thrift stores may involve some tag a longs. And that's ok. Because for my wife, having the boys there Sunday might be the best Mother's Day gift she could ask for.
Day # 431. Always a little tougher this time of year. I miss my Mom everyday. And I really wish she would have gotten the chance to meet my wife. Still, it's good to be me!
Each Student had to do a book as part of their project. A 10 page story of their person's life, the books were on their desks for people to read as the kids answered questions. And each one had a dedication. I opened Tanner's to see what he had written. "Dedicated to my big brother Ben for helping me with this project." Proud Dad moment right there. I love the relationship all three boys have with each other, with me, and with the woman who helps me raise them every day.
Originally, Tiffany and I were not supposed to go to the program with him. Tanner asked his Mom to make the journey in town to come to his school since she had not been to any function all year. She told him she would, only to cancel at the last minute. This has become the normal over the last 18 months, and it tears me up to see them hurt over and over again. I have been nice to this point, trying my best to hold my tongue and not speak my mind because it is up to them to form their own opinions and have their own relationships with their mother. But it's enough already.
Last week she told me I had to fix her relationship with the oldest because she couldn't. I told both her and JM that I did not break it, so I cannot fix it. Nor should I be asked to. He called her, they talked, and are now further apart than ever.
Now here we are, one night removed from Tanner's program. And she is supposed to take them this weekend for only the 6th time this year. Even though it is not her weekend, we would never dream of keeping the boys from her on Mother's Day. So we talked to her more than a month ago, she said "Yes, I want to have them that weekend". We made plans to drop them to her at 6 this evening, then booked out the rest of the weekend with other activities for Tiffany and I.
What we should have planned on was the same old thing. Today, she let me know she could not get the boys tonight. She might be able to later in the weekend, but she isn't sure. I explained that we have plans and cannot promise to bring them to her any other time this weekend. After all, lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on our part. She has yet to reply, leaving me to believe that she has decided to forego her weekend all together. Disappointing? Yes, but definitely not surprising. I just hate to have to be the one to tell them, and she leaves that task on me every time.
Don't get me wrong, I will never pass up spending more time with the boys. They are and always have been at the top of my priority list, no matter what the situation. I just wish for them they had another parent who felt the same. Oh wait, I forgot, they do. Little red is an awesome Mom to them, and I will no longer be so concerned about noting the *step* part of that trying to save someone's feelings from being hurt. After all, my Dad and my father were two different people. And just as I would never apologize to anyone for calling Mike my Dad, Tiffany is Mom to my guys.
So now it is about re-game planning for Sunday. Her breakfast in Bed may be made by a couple of teenage boys instead of me. Our day out at the thrift stores may involve some tag a longs. And that's ok. Because for my wife, having the boys there Sunday might be the best Mother's Day gift she could ask for.
Day # 431. Always a little tougher this time of year. I miss my Mom everyday. And I really wish she would have gotten the chance to meet my wife. Still, it's good to be me!
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