A hazy walk down memory lane

Sometimes, I think I am getting senile early. I will forget the smallest things, causing myself unnecessary delays and stress. Tiffany will send me to the store for milk. I will come back with pepsi, twizzlers, and a loaf of bread but no milk. It is strange, and I suppose not all that uncommon. But when I look back over the span of my life, I seem to follow the same trend. Some moments I remember as if they just happened, while others   seem as though they never happened at all. When I was a kid, there are about 5 years I would just as soon forget, but it seems to be the others that have faded away with time.

Being on the road always makes me get a little nostalgic for the good old days. After all, I used to travel a lot, and each new city and state offered new memories and experiences. In fact, it was because I was on the road that I started this blog. Well that and I needed a coping mechanism as I dealt with the loss of my mother, my marriage, and the haze I seemed to find myself in as I made bad decision after bad decision. So At some point, when I was at my lowest point, I begged for some real time away. My wish was granted and I was sent out of the country. Sometime in that process a moment came where I knew if I did not start journaling what was going on in my life, I would probably not be able to remember it later. And thus, the blog was born on March 28 of 2010.

Over the last two and a half years I have written 236 posts. Most have been published, while a select few I have kept private and only shared with one other soul. They are the story of my life, from then til now. And because I am on the road, sitting in New Jersey, I decided it was a good time to stroll down memory lane and remember 236 moments that inspired these posts. After all, I had nothing to do as I waited for my team to arrive from Ohio. So I went back and read them, one by one.

I didn't even remember writing some of them. As I said, my memory seems to escape me at times. But as I read them, the memory of the exact place and time came back. Each one a little special to me. Some made me laugh, some made me cry, some made me say "really?" I read the long ones, the short ones, the published ones and the ones I keep to myself. It took a couple hours. But as I got through them, and I was reading the one I wrote just last night, I realized that I need to start chronicling things again. It seems as though a lot of my posts are written about not so great moments in my life. Now that I find myself in a really good place on the path, I should write about these days so I can look back on the great times as well. After all, life is not just about heart break and rock bottom.

This blog is for me, as I have always said. It has been my outlet for dealing with the loss of my mother, for dealing with powerful emotions I could not express any other way. It has been my dumping ground for cool stories and experiences. It has become part of who I am, and will continue to be.

Some of you have read every published post I have ever written. Some of you may be reading it for the first time. And I appreciate all of you. But for me, this is part of my legacy. Something I can look at when I am 80 and my boys can read to their kids long after I am gone. So as you read, please know this is just the story of my life, at least for the last two and a half years. And whether I am in Atlantic City or Columbus, Ohio I will continue to share my thoughts and stories with you.

Day # 590, 6 days til home, and it is still good to be me.........

Good Night Everyone


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