The weight of it all

I often sit here at night, lost in thought.I replay the choices I have made in my life, both good and bad. I think about the people who have come and gone and who has had the biggest impact. And I feel like from everything I have learned, I am none the wiser. Take today for example.

I watched a movie today. Not a movie I willingly sat down in front of. But I watched none the less. The message of the movie- no matter who you are, where you are, whether you meet someone once or are with them for years, you know. The connection, the gravitational pull, the way things come just naturally let you know that person was placed in your life. Not forced. Not pushed upon you. But meant to be there. I am grateful for those people. But what about the ones who don't see it? Who hide behind fear and misguided wisdom? Will those people ever accept that there are higher powers at work? And what happens if that person, that skeptic, is the one person you are supposed to be with? Its a very disheartening feeling. You try to bury it, forget it, walk away from it, but the pull only seems to get stronger. And each day they are not in your life seems more cold and alone than the one before. And the worst part is, only they fit into that place. No one else, no matter how terrific, can fill that gap. Where do you go? What do you do? How do you make it go away and stop believing? How do you quit that person? I have no answers. But many are in that situation. Many sit there tonight, the weight of it all upon them. I spend a lot of time with one of them. I see the pain and the hurt and have nothing to offer other than semi reassuring words and a shoulder. And as I watch that desperation, I know we are all only one bad decision, maybe not even our own decision, from being there. And I realize, as with her, that I am in that place due to someone elses decision. And so that hurt, what I once thought was buried and gone, comes back as a fresh wound that is keeping me awake once again.

I apologize if this didn't make a lot of sense. I literally have dozens of blogs I have kept private on this very topic. But tonight, I wanted to share a glimpse of where my thoughts lie. So if it made no sense to you, I am sorry. It is all clear to me.

Anyway, congatulations Buckeyes. We truly made Michigan our Bichigan. Night all


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