If every road led back home

Today is my Birthday
And all that I want
Is to dig through this big box of pictures in my Kitchen
Till the daylights gone

But if life stayed it was
And lovers never fell out of love
If memories didn't last so long
If nobody did nobody wrong
If we knew what we had before it was gone
If every road led back home
This would be
The very last country song

-Sugarland

I have been doing that a lot lately. Flipping through old photos and remembering the moments, the conversations, the people. It is so comforting in a world of chaos. Pictures are a vehicle to take you back into a place in time. I have come to realize that this blog does the same thing. More on that later.

Today is my birthday. I turned 48 at 6:31 this morning. When I was a kid my Mom would always wake me up at that exact moment and sing Happy Birthday to me. After I was on my own, she called me. Every year. March 3rd. 6:31 A.M. Until 2009. What I would give for that call now.

The last year has been rough y'all. 2020 was a disaster. And I am not talking about pandemics, riots, cancel culture, or politics. You see, I am sitting in a very nice resort suite in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina waiting for my wife and son to arrive this evening. If I look up from my computer I see the beach and the water. It is so relaxing just to be here. But for awhile last summer, I wasn't sure we would ever have one of these getaways again.

I came down early because I had some business to attend to. If you have ever been involved with Club Wyndham you know there is always some business to do on your vacation. And with Tanner not being able to be out of school for the whole week, we figured this was the best way, Plus he is bringing a couple of friends so we needed to have 2 cars so everyone had room to ride.

We were here a year ago too. We usually come to Myrtle on my birthday/our anniversary week (that was yesterday). We had a great time, as we always do and will this week. But after we got back, everything changed. As my former company, Mammoth, was bought out by a large corporation, I became the General Manager of the new company. It was a crazy time and I was caught up in the whirlwind of trying to do the right thing while watching everything I had worked for and helped build crumble at under the weight of corporate mandates and poor business practices. I heard someone say recently that a value is defined as a line you would not cross, something you would give up everything you have built in life to protect. I reached that line. And I refused to cross it. So I walked away.

What I didn't realize was during the few months when I was trying to hold on to my work family, my actual family was falling apart. Specifically, my marriage. I would work 12-14 hours everyday and come home stressed out and full of venom. Every little thing bothered me. Whether I was complaining about my day at work or that I was not happy with what my wife had waiting for me for dinner, I was full of negativity.

Funny how life slaps you in the face.

As I was making the very painful decision to not cross that line, to walk away from what I had help to build, my wife and I encountered a major issue. We decided we should separate.  She moved in with her Uncle and I was pretty sure that she would not be back. I left town and took Tanner on a trip that very day. We drove to Wisconsin to see my Sister's new home and get some much needed advice from her. I also received some unexpected words of wisdom from her daughters. It was a great visit. 

We then trekked out to Mt. Rushmore and Tanner and I stood in amazement looking at this incredible monument. It was an amazing week of one on one time with my son, but my underlying thoughts were with this struggle. After all, she should have been with me.

When I returned she and I began to talk. The focus was not on what happened but why it happened. We each found parts of ourselves that we did not like, and found that we were really out of touch with each other. We went on a few dates, agreed on a path forward and what each of us needed to do. Ultimately she came home. And while the wounds will take a long time to heal, if they ever do, we are committed to and focused on each other. What we share, and the things we have overcome, tell us both that there is a greater plan. We will abide to that plan.

God is bigger than all of that.

Can I get an Amen?

I once wrote a post called 48 and a half . If you read it, then you know that I have real fears regarding the next few months. But I also know I have the genes of my Papaw, aka Old Man. We lost him to Covid in December. He was 90. And lived an amazing life. One of my proudest moments was introducing him to my grandsons and having 5 generations all together. I plan on reliving that with my grandsons in about 40 years or so.

As the last year passed, I have begun to do something I used to do all the time. Every person I encounter I will try to make eye contact with, give them a smile, and say something. Good morning, good afternoon, how are ya, something positive. As I drove down, I did that at every stop I made. And, without exception, no matter who they were, what they looked like, or how old they were, I got the same thing back. 

So what is the point of all of this? 

Why did I tell you about my struggles for the last year?

Well the reasons are threefold. 

First, so I can look back and record this moment. A moment when, alone on my birthday, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my sweetheart, who has walked through the fire with me. We need these getaways for both of us to re-center.

Second, to remind me to stay positive. As I have in the past, I am declaring a negativity strike. The difference is that this time, when Tiffany tries to pull me back when I start to go off the rails, I will be much more open to it because of where she and I stand now.

And third, as I ride this thing out, whether it is until 48.5 or 100, I believe it is important to chronicle my faith, my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, and everything else in between. From life changing experiences to funny or thought provoking moments, I want to be able to look back and see what I might have been thinking. And I want my wife, kids, and grandchildren to be able to do the same. I used to post a lot. But have gotten out of the habit. However, I find writing to be therapeutic for me. So for the 7 of you that actually read this, expect more going forward. There is a lot more going on I haven't mentioned like grandson # 3 on the way.

I need to use this vehicle to record moments in time.

Today is my birthday. And I sit in this condo all alone. But life is good. And the next 4 days are going to be awesome as my sweetheart/adventure buddy and I play in the Carolinas.

I remember one time asking my oldest son, John-Michael, how his birthday was. He answered me, and then did something very cool, and, in doing so, made me beam with pride. 

He said "How is your my birthday Dad?" 

So I ask you, the 7 people who read this, please tell me, how is YOUR my birthday. I would love to see your answers in the comments.

Thanks for reading. Have a great day!