Moment of truth

I would like to start off by showing my appreciation for the support of my last post. More than 300 people read my story about a disabled vet who was treated so poorly by a local hotel, and though it may not make a difference in the grand scheme of things, it is good to know that people care about their fellow man. Today is memorial Day, and it is so important to express gratitude for those who have served to give us all we have today, including the freedom to call out those who would be so callus and unfeeling to throw out this man after all he had been through. On this day I am thankful for my readers, and thankful for all who have put on a uniform and defended our freedom.

I read a friends post on Facebook this morning, and it got under my skin just a little. Not that I had some moral or political objection to what he was saying, but something simpler. He talked about when something good happens, he is still expecting it to be bad. And it bothered me because I have been where he is. I know that feeling. My friend is a wonderfully smart and talented man who has been more like a brother to me in the 18 years I have known him. We have been through hell and back together, but never at the same time. I would hit the bottom, and he would give me a hand up. He would begin to spiral, and I would try to make him see the silver lining. It has been a tremendous friendship that has weathered many storms. As I read his words this morning, I tried to find the right response to make him feel just a little better about the direction. I am sure I failed, but I am hoping that within the paragraphs of this blog, he finds solace and a reason to have hope for that aspect of his life. Because everything else is full go for him, and I do not want to see an anchor slow him down.

I have never been good enough. Throughout most of my adult life, when positive things would happen, I would wait for the other shoe to drop or know it just was not going to work. On my wedding day in 1995, I knew that this was not the person I was supposed to find. I knew it would end where it did. During that time, when I would receive a promotion at work or buy a new car, I always felt like I had lucked into it rather than it being something I earned. After my divorce, on several occasions, I would meet someone and have a wonderful time and really begin to feel like I was going somewhere. Yet in the back of my mind I would always feel that impending doom, knowing that it could never last. And it never did. I questioned myself, my whole belief system, and wondered how I could find myself in the same position yet again. I found peace at the bottom of a bottle many times, choosing to mask the hurt rather than deal with the fundamental issues I had. It was hard to think that the right person for me was still the wrong person. It was hard to think that I was never quite good enough for whatever was standing in front of me.

I have grown to discover, though, that each of these times when I felt like I just wasn't enough were merely bumps along the path. They had to happen, so that I could learn and move forward. And though I never could have admitted it at the time, each of these people, who made it abundantly clear that I was not good enough for them, were all just short chapters in the story of my life. When I stopped re-reading them, trying to figure out why I was not worthy of making them the last chapter, I began to realize that greater things were in store. When I met that girl, the one who made all the rest disappear, I was ready for her. And she was ready for me. To tell me that she was not too good for me, nor I for her. But that we were an exact fit, just the way we are. No tweaking, no tuning, no waiting for another shoe to fall or other issues to be resolved. It was just us there, with no strings attached. Sure, there was baggage attached to both of us. But we tucked it neatly away and began a new life together. And it is good. For the first time I know there is no other shoe to fall. It is she and I. No detours or bumps or hurt or impending doom. Just us. Thats it. It is an amazing feeling. And she brings out the best parts of me.

In the time she and I have spent together, virtually every aspect of my life has grown. I feel like I am a better father, as she has become my partner in giving the boys the life they deserve. I am a better professional, as she has encouraged me to find a job that I love to do, rather than one that just pays the bills. I am a better brother, son, friend, and person because of her encouragement and unwavering support. And now, as my friend Ralph and I stand on the cusp of greatness, she tells me I can do it and that I am good enough.

Moment of truth is going to change our lives. A reality TV show idea that has grown legs and seems like a can't miss already has the demo recorded and is getting ready to be presented to several networks as a pilot.  A collaboration of ideas between myself and my long time friend, this show will change the landscape of reality TV. With 6 other show ideas in the pipeline and receiving great feed back from our research, we expect our production company to take off in the next 12-24 months. It is an exciting time, and I sincerely hope it does as well as we expect. Ralph and I have always said that we are meant to do something great. This is the first time, though, I have truly believed it.

There comes a time when you will realize why nothing else worked out for you. I knew it the moment I met Tiffany. She has been the greatest influence on my life by not trying to influence me at all. And I am lucky to be in this place with her. For my friend, who is on the other side of the same glass, I assure you that when the time comes and that person walks into your life, you will understand why it never worked with anyone before. Remember, my friend, that you can never move on to the next chapter of your life while you are still re-reading the last one.

Remember these words, readers. Moment of Truth.


Happy Memorial Day everyone!


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