My brothers keeper

As I sat here with my brother Monday evening I saw a side of him I have never seen before. Josh has always been a rebel, a wildchild, and, in his own words, a jerk. Ok maybe he didn't say jerk, but the blog is PG rated. But on that night I saw a Josh who is hurting badly. Not because of what he is going through with Heather. Not because of anything with Chrystal or the kids. No, Josh is still having as tough a time with the loss of our mother as he did on the day we lost her. He cried as he told me how he feels like he lost the only person in this world who has ever truly understood him. He cried as we recounted her final days. And he wept uncontrollably as he told me of her final breaths. I too shed so many tears because I chose not to be in the room when that happened, and this was the first time I heard about those few moments right before we lost her. I spent the better part of the last 2 days worried about my baby brother, as he tends to disappear for long periods of time. With his fragile state of mind still fresh in my memory, I called him tonight. He is still stumbling. He is not in a good place. But he is better than he was. And he believes its getting ready to get better.

He spoke of many random acts of kindness he encountered today. From a little old lady telling him she felt like she should pray with him to a man with jumper cables starting his truck, then giving him the cables for future use, to someone who really does care for him making sure he had food money in his pocket, he was amazed by these little things that, as he said, "ruined his bad mood" I simple told him, Josh, Mom is always around you. I believe that. Just as she is always around me. I feel her all the time and know she is smiling at the happiness I have found. I still think of her many times a day, and miss her physical presence so much. But she is here. I see her in my kids, in my work, and in my brother on this bad week for him.

Many of you know Josh. You can have your opinions. But he's my brother, and I love him. He's a great father and has a good heart. So please pray for him. He would do the same for you. Whether you choose to believe that or not.


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