I am embarrassed.
Embarrassed that, at 41 years old, you will not see a Holy Bible anywhere in my home. Well, you might in my son's room, but that is for later in this post. But in my things, from my dresser to my office to my suitcase of memories that contain photos and what nots from my past, there is no copy of the word. Ironic, since I claim that one of the biggest reasons I am here despite that past is my faith.
I am ashamed.
Ashamed that I have not taught my three sons the same core values and beliefs that I was taught as I was raised in a strong Pentecostal home. I teach my sons to be respectful, integral men of honor with strong values and morals, yet I have never made a conscious effort to take them to church or tell them about Jesus Christ.
I am angry.
Angry at myself for blasting my son the first time he attached himself to a religion. Whether out of his own thirst to know more about God, or just to impress a girl, he has done more to to develop his own belief system than I ever have. And while I was exposed to many religions and got to make my own decisions as a teenager, I have not respected my son's ability to do the same thing. At least he has a faith that someone has taught him.
I have been hiding.
Hiding behind what I have called my own faith, dismissing Church as a dividing factor among God's people while conveniently using this as an excuse to not change anything in my own belief system.
I am tired
Tired of only talking to God when I need him, and prayer feeling uncomfortable.
I am blessed.
Blessed to be living in my home, with my beautiful wife, and three awesome kids. I am blessed with a brother and sister who I count as some of my closest friends, a Dad who believed in me and encouraged me to find where I belong, and the legacy of an amazing woman who I was lucky enough to call Mom. I am blessed with real and lifelong friends who I consider family, and a career that keeps opening doors in front of me. I am blessed that God chose me for this life despite all of these flaws above.
I am thankful
Thankful for a God who works in my life everyday even when I do not. I am thankful he put me on the path he did, no matter how rough the road was. I am thankful for today.
I am looking
Looking for a home church in Gahanna, Ohio, or close. I grew up Church of God, and Tiffany was raised Catholic, so non-denom is probably best.
Day # 680. First Blog of the New Year. Praying its going to be a great one. It is good to be me!