Thinking out loud on Christmas Eve

As I sit here in my office on Christmas Eve morning, I look forward to the next 24 hours. In just a few minutes I will walk out the door here and head home, ready to wrap gifts for the boys and help my sweetheart finish up the baking for what is sure to be a legendary Christmas feast tomorrow. I love the holiday season, even more this year than most. My boys, with the signing of the paperwork this past Tuesday, are truly home to stay. Tiffany and I have built a cozy home out of the house we moved in to during the spring. For its ups and downs, I have been at my new job for almost a year and am fortunate to be a part of this work family. As I drove in this morning, I turned on the Christmas music, sipped my coffee, and thanked God for the bounty of good fortune he has provided this year.

Even at our best, we all have moments of weakness and failure. While enjoying the successes at my job, I have had a few nasty potholes jump up recently that have threatened to take the whole thing off course. When in court, it was very difficult for me not to open my mouth and say a few things to my ex wife that surely would have crushed the eggshells we have been walking on while trying to determine the best place for the guys. And the house has even talked back a little, with a new hot water tank and furnace in the month of November.

In between weaknesses and failures, victories and blessings, there is life to be lived. Most days I am excited to get out of bed to see what the day has in store. At the end of those same days I cannot wait to find my bed at the end of a long day. I once heard someone say they would rather collapse in bed at night exhausted than bored. I find motivation in that saying. From work to road trips, all day wrestling matches to running errands, life is full. And life is good.

I end every post on here with a day # and how it is good to be me. The day refers to how many days since things pointed in the right direction. How many days since the light at the end of the tunnel first flickered in the distance. How many days since I first sat down at a table at Tailgaters bar in Whitehall, Ohio and said hello to a red head named Tiffany. At that time, life was confusing. I was on the go then a lot too, but for all the wrong reasons. As a square peg trying to make myself fit into a round hole, I was struggling just to keep myself upright and my head above water.  I woke up everyday dreading doing the same things over and over and getting different results. But after meeting her, I woke up the next day anxious to talk to her again. And everyday since I have woken up with a little excitement, a little zeal and, even on my worst days, a feeling that something great is going to happen.

Tonight will be a little tough. I will go to bed knowing I will not see the boys until after noon tomorrow. There will be no Christmas morning at my home this year. There will be no big breakfast and half asleep kids running downstairs at 6 am. And that's ok. This is their Mom's year to have them, and while I wish they were with me tonight, I only have to wait 366 more days til they wake me up at the crack of dawn to open presents. Even as I drift off to dreamland tonight though, I know tomorrow will be an exciting day. They will be coming home. And as they open their gifts and undoubtedly go a little crazy, I will watch them, watch my sweetheart, look around and know that I have already received the greatest gifts I could ask for.

Day # 630 and it is good to be me. I hope it is good to be you too.

Merry Christmas Everyone.


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